hisnameisthecaptain | 9th Hangover - I'm Real ☠☠☠☠ [Call

Anything about Dirk Anger, H.A.T.E., Nextwave or The Captain?

No, not that I know of. Though you know? Those do sort of sound familiar, maybe a foreign comic?

Don't tell me they sound familiar, that only makes it worse.

Where are you from?

Well, they might not be? I might have just heard something similar?

Earth, but I was in the Netherworld before here.

Yeah, I'm from Earth. I don't think it's a comic, I just think that guy was crazy.

Netherworld huh? That's like where demons come from right?

Maybe in his world you're really a comic, and maybe in your world he's a comic. Maybe everyone here is something in someone else's world. That's really philosophical, isn't it?

Yep, demons live there, and monsters. I went there to defeat the Overlord.

Why would I be a comic in his world?....

Though that makes sense, I saw comic guys in here before.

I fought a demon once. Well, I guess you could call it fighting. I used a toilet brush. It was a mess.

Because he said you were?

I... I don't think I quite get it. Was he afraid of toilet brushes? If I think about it I wouldn't want a toilet brush touching me either That's just a low blow.

He could also be crazy.

Well I gave that demon a low blow with it too. I also ☠☠☠☠ him with it until he couldn't walk. That was after using his face to smash every toilet in that rest room...

He'll walk with a limp after that for however long those kind live.

I guess that could answer it, but what if he wasn't? It doesn't seem unreasonable to think of it that way. After all they do that kind of stuff in media all the time.

It's true... censor marks can make a sentence seem worse....

That... that sounds very painful, I take it you don't like demons very much.

I.... yeah... ☠☠☠☠.

Well, he did open a gate into hell and kept summoning out an endless supply of mindless monsters that blow up into goo. So I did what any super hero would do and kicked his teeth in.

Wait... I don't think he had teeth. Well you get the point. I put my boot through his head before putting the brusth through his ☠☠☠☠.

That does sound troubling-

You're a super hero!?

[Silent shock.]

Am I having some sort of waking dream? You don't seem very heroic.

Yeah I get that a lot.

I'm one of the good guys though. I curb stomp the bad guys with my generic set of super powers and save people and all that good stuff.

That sounds similar to the super heroes I read about in the comics from the comic book store.

So you're that kind of super hero!

How did you get your powers? Do you have a cool origin story? Do you have an arch nemesis? Do you work in a team or are you a lone fighter of justice?

I'm not a comic book...

Oh, yeah. Uh. Real cool origin story.

I worked with a team. We beat our nemesis. He was a ☠☠☠☠. An invincible dinosaur who hates humans because monkey used to ride him and embarrass him. We put him in a bit metal ball, kicked him off the 51st stated and blew him up.

But it's similar right? Because none of the stories I've read so far have been similar to Sir Aurum or any of the stories I read back home.

What is it? Can you tell me?

...

Wait, seriously?

I guess.

As for my origin story, uh.

[He's obviously stalling to thing.]

I got my powers from a couple of little green aliens. It's called the Heart Star. It's magic.

And nothing else happened. Nothing at all.

Also, yes I am serious. I couldn't make this ☠☠☠☠ up. He had all sorts of crazy stuff. Like naked ninja's, giant psychic baby heads, broccoli men, you name it.

Green alien magic? And nothing else? I'm a little disappointed.

That doesn't sound that out there, though it sounds like it belongs in a video game.

I'm real though. I was just a guy before I got the powers. The magic to fly, to be almost impossible to kill and to punch things really hard.

I can't be a super soldier like Captain America. Or a radioactive roid rage ☠☠☠☠ like The Hulk. Or born with it like the X-Men and other mutant wack jobs in tights.

You can fly? That must be so useful! I wish I could fly, it would make things so much easier.

W-w-wait a minute! Those... those are all names of comic book heroes I found in the comic book store.

Flying's tough. No one ever teaches you how and it takes forever to learn how to land.

....

☠☠☠☠. Am I really a ☠☠☠☠ comic? Maybe you're crazy.

But the flying stat is one of the best, you can move past enemies without them blocking you.

I'm not crazy, I just bought them this past week. But if they are successful and famous heroes, why wouldn't they have a comic about them? Sir Aurum is a famous super hero from my world, and he has comics and video games, and anime, and statues, and all sorts of stuff about him.!

Flying stat?

[Someone doesn't play video games.]

Because they aren't famous. People don't like the x-men because they aren't human. People don't like the Hulk because he is a monster. People...

Well everyone loves ☠☠☠☠ Captain America. Well Americans do, not so sure about Germans or Russians.

Yeah! I heard there was an item that could grant it, but I never did find it.

There was quite a bit of Captain America stuff I noticed, so that's probably true. But are you sure they aren't famous? I mean, they're heroes right? Heroes are famous. Successful ones at least.

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